Gay Couples Therapy

In my approach to gay couples therapy, I use a communication skill-building approach to resolving conflicts and enhancing intimacy. (For Gay Couples, see Love Between Men for more details.)

Sometimes men in gay relationships avoid certain topics because they're afraid of making things worse. These skills can help you deal more effectively with conflict, rather than letting it build to the point where it damages your relationship.

Successful resolution of conflict in gay couples counseling can enhance a sense of intimacy, and rekindle the love that brought you together in the first place.

The skills I use with gay couples therapy are divided into the following parts:

Listening

Expressing Feelings

Problem-Solving

Patterns of Mutual Influence

* Listening

We practice three levels of listening: paying attention, saying in your own words what you've understood, and reflecting feelings. These skills allow you both to empathize with what the other person is saying. Once you feel heard and understood, it's easier for you to listen to your partner.

* Expressing Feelings

Then we look at how to say what you want in a way that's more likely to elicit a cooperative response from your partner. Rather than interpreting or judging each other, you can say more about what's going on with you: what's the behavior you're having a problem with, how do you feel about it, and how would you like things to be different?

* Problem-Solving

Instead of getting into an argument about the first solution that comes to mind, we look at the underlying needs or desires that both of you would like met by a potential solution.

* Patterns of Mutual Influence

We also look at what you may be doing that tends to elicit the very behavior in your partner that you have a problem with. Identifying these patterns doesn't necessarily mean they won't happen anymore; it's actually pretty likely that they will! But by being more conscious of what you're doing to keep the pattern going, you may be able to do something else, instead. Rather than simply wishing your partner would change, we try to discover what each of you could do to alleviate the pattern, and contribute to a possible solution.

Gay relationships are all unique, so gay couples therapy needs to be adapted to the unique circumstances of each couple. If you'd like to explore how my approach to gay couples counseling might work with your own relationship, click on Contact Rik!

You can also call me directly at 415 821-7665 during regular business hours.

* Get your free copy of my article on:
How to Approach Conflict--and Come Out Feeling Better on the Other Side!

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